Motion to Suppress
I lost. No ifs and anymore what-ifs about it. My attempts to supress, derail, and/or mitigate against this policy change didn't really stop it. Such is the workings of any administration. But if you think I'm really bummed, I'm not at all. If anything, part of me feels that we all stand to be a little bit stronger if we go through this.

It's not like I'm going to accept this quietly either. Thus far, I've embarassed (if not frustrated) some of the powers-that-be in order to get them to keep their word. I felt that it was right to hold them true to their statement. This is so we have some success criteria to shoot for. The bottom line is simply so that it doesn't get out of hand. In the end, I'm just trying to defend my people.

I got up in front today and said what I had to say. Sure, I lost. However in all of this, I think I gained the trust of 14 other people. Call it a hunch.

Leadership Dimensions
Well, things seem to be looking somewhat promising thus far. So far, with my group, I've been able to unearth a lot of the motivations and conditions into why this factionalism has been happening. I have a long history of informal back-channel communications and I think it is serving well thus far. When you pull people aside to talk, people tend to put away a lot of superficial fronts and are more likely to tell you what's really on their mind. I really do appreciate it when people tell me the straight dope and nothing else. I also find that such people are more appreciative of this directness, even when what I say is less than favorable to them. Sure, I take a risk each time in bearing some vulnerability on my part. But in the end, I find that this is a necessary thing in genuine communication at that level.

This is consistent with what my file says thus far. It says that my strongest dimension is "Interpersonal Skills." Its been my experience that this is the best way to come to understand subordinates, peers, and superiors. In fact, I like to think that I get a little better each time. This is not to say that I don't have weaknesses. If you would like to read more about that, just read my previous entry below. However, in these times, I find that it is opportune to play my strongest card.

In the meantime, we're not exactly out of the woods yet. I still have a few others to talk to and get things squared away. Plus, I also feel the need to defend 14 other people very soon or else a policy change will have to be enforced. I need to keep trying. I need to keep praying. Whatever it takes.

The Test of Leadership
I'm feeling the pinch now. I just got reamed over my leadership style. Most are saying that I'm too laid back and that I'm not assertive enough. Hmmmmrph. I guess its true. I've been accused of this from a separate incident.

However, I now have the added task of reducing the factionalism of the group and to try and promote unity among them. Oh man... If God somehow put this task upon me, then I'd say that I've got a colossal one ahead of me.

Post Bow Tie Thoughts
Ok, I guess that wasn't too bad. I got to sit at the headmaster's table and tend to the needs of some VIPs every now and again. Not bad at all, I'd say. Our guest speaker was a full-bird Colonel and I got to sit next to him. This guy is one cool dude. During the dinner, after some conversation with him, I found out that he lives in my neighborhood. In fact, he grew up in my neighborhood! Small world..

In the cocktail area, I had the task of introducing the Colonel to every one in the Battalion. Now, that was an honor in itself. After that, we (the main party) marched into the dining hall in a formation as everybody else stood at attention to be seated. Once the commander declared everything to be fit and ready, the eating and all of the traditional fixings came into play.

Anyhow, I got his contact information to talk about professional stuff and the like. Hey, networking is a professional skill, right? I think it's interesting how this came together. I guess this whole thing wasn't so bad afterall...

The Bow Tie
I'm sticking on a bow tie as I write this. I polished the brass on my uniform. Everything looks set. I however am not looking forward to this Dining-In for some reason. It's strange because I enjoyed wearing a tux for Manuel and Julie's wedding and did all that formal stuff and what have you.

I guess the reason why I don't really like this is because in the military, these "Dining-Ins" are something that you are SUPPOSED to do. Sure, you can opt out of these things, but that's something akin to telling your boss and all of your peers and your subordinates that you don't really care. I hope I don't emmanate that because I really do care. But something in which the culture almost requires you to be at this "optional" event just sounds a bit funny. I also think its trying to force yourself to smile all the time and trying to have all the right things to say to people. It's just hard.

It shouldn't be too bad, I guess. For myself, I'll be shaking many hands and saying a few things up front and we'll probably eat and have a toast to whatever anybody brings up. Oh well.

The Risk
Risk is everywhere. I tend not to like risk. However, it is no surprise that great things in this world are never without this. In investing, a high element of risk is taken in order to have a large gain in interest. However, the flip side is that you could lose your entire principle and then some. The concept is quite simple (when you keep it in non-human terms, that is).

However, in the humanly real world things are a lot harder and so are the odds. Sometimes, things tend to get worse before they get better. It's hard because these things affect other people. For instance, I'll take a risk on trying see eye to eye with someone. In order for this to happen, I may have to bear my soul in order to tell where I'm coming from. Sometimes, hurtful things have to be looked at in order to settle them. There are so many ways for me to get rolled and for me to be reeling in pain. These things are hard.

So why do them in first place? Well, it comes down the age old question of whether things are really worth it. Having issues stuck in your heart isn't really healthy (for you or other people). If you do, you place yourself in a position of being superficial and it just doesn't seem right. In addition, carrying something in your heart only buries it. The awful thing here is that these things resurface and the high likelihood of you blowing up on someone remains present. Plus, the older you get, the likelihood of you pinpointing an issue and resolving it becomes that much more harder.

I guess I'm learning some hard lessons here. Forgiveness, even at least in your own heart, is necessary. You need to realize that your actions are not for self gain and be convinced it is the right thing to do. Sometimes things have to get worse in order to get better (and the latter is no guarantee).

I'm writing this because I took a chance on something. I took a chance because I thought it would help. I'm not sure if it was received in that fashion, however. As of right now, I don't feel good. To be perfectly honest: I feel terrible.

Peace
I think I'm at peace right now...not an easy peace, but peace nonetheless.

Human Puzzle
It's not rocket science. It's not an exact science either. It's human nature observed. They say no one can be a master of it. One has to be the consumate student of it.

Bits and pieces here and there, you notice certain things. It's in how a person conducts themselves, body language, a nervous tick, a stammer in their voice, the timing of how they do things. If they're people who have a set MO, that tells a lot as well. You'd be amazed at how much a person can give away by what they both say and don't say. Even more you tell what is the truth and what is a lie (or what is construed to be cognitive dissonance). Every person has a pattern of these things. They hold a wealth of information if you see it often enough.

To me, each of these observations is a puzzle piece into a person's character. Although one piece doesn't tell you too terribly much, you get a clearer picture with additional pieces. You don't have to get all of the pieces in order to view the entire picture, either. You need to just have enough to get a jist of what that picture is.

I'm an observer and an analyst.

Newsbriefs of Late
Once again, a huge glut of happenings around me relegates me to making a posting that just has a little of everything. Here I go again...

My Friday class was canceled and so I have to find another class to pad my schedule. The only thing that could really sub for it was a Wednesday night class. So, my current schedule is a de facto duplicate of last semester's schedule *SOB*

Lately, I've come to the realization that I may be in right where I need to be in life (at this moment anyway). So far, I've counseled a lot of people in a wide variety of problems and have established a lot of rapport with those that I work with. Thus far, I'm expanding my skillset into a direction that I like (and uncle sam is paying for it). Plus, I have some opportunities to teach.

I get the impression that my ability to examine people intimidates some people. I contend that it's nothing more than just knowing what you're dealing with and nothing more..

I have more opportunities to improve on my photo skills. *grin* The downside here is that I'm going to be in the darkroom an awful lot. There's quite a bit on my plate as it is..

I read somewhere that 20-somethings often have the dilemma of deciding on a path in life. I'd say its true.

I'm meeting with Pastor Peter a lot these days. Good times. The man is cool and he actually, actively listens.

Too true Mike. Too true.

Sometimes, I wonder if I'm going to die a lonely old fool. Go figure.

I passed the last APFT. It was nowhere near the score I got last time. I need to be a better motivated runner somehow.

Faster, stronger, smarter, quicker, watchful, observant, decisive, steadfast...there's more than one way to improve.

Much
Much happening. Much thinking. Much ruminating. Much...praying?

High School Reunion
Well, I got a letter in the mail. It was an invitation to go to my high school reunion. A while ago, I already made up my mind that I wasn't going to go. It's nothing personal. It's just when I graduated from there and left for Davis, I was happy as a clam. I was eager to seek newer things and sought after worthwhile experiences.

Now don't get me wrong. I had a good time when I was in high school. I did everthing from music, to sports, community service, and some of my own things. In fact, the only thing I didn't really get much into was drama (save for that blasted kung fu movie I was in). So yeah, I had a fairly thorough high school experience. However, when it came time for me to go, I just left without looking back. I guess I felt like I moved on to bigger and better things.

My dad encouraged me to go to the reunion. Not sure at this point. The letter is sitting here with the rest of the contents of my messy desk. Any thoughts?

Now what?
I believe I have come to a decision (a determination, rather). Things seem a little clearer now. Now my question is: Where do I go from here? We will see...

Mutant Hamsters??
What's up with those mutant hamsters in those new Quizno's TV ads?? I mean never mind the fact that they look like they just came out of a horror movie or whatnot. I think what gives me the furrowed brow is their singing. I've heard many times the sweeter sounds of chalkboards being scratched. AARRRRGGH.

Minor Thoughts on Diplomacy
As of late, I've come to realize something in the art of diplomacy: Diplomacy is really not simply about being nice. Rather, it has much more to do with sincerity. You may think that both are the same thing. However I would beckon to look at it differently. Being sincere, genuine, or self-less sometimes comes without any fixings of niceness.

For instance, say a person is being really nice to me in a discussion. However, if I sense a lack of sincerity (eg withheld information, ulterior motives, etc.), I may feel EXTREMELY offended. Even if the person is trying to smooth things over with these niceties, these niceties are only superficial and they don't address very much at the heart of the matter.

On the flip side, say a person is really blunt and perhaps downright rude. However, if I see some genuine sincerity in it (eg the person is being self-less, looking out for me, seeing a greater good in it all, etc.), I may feel appreciative of that. I've seen a lot of this (and had to deliver this sometimes) and it may be hard to receive at first. But in the end, it was real, self-less, and no BS niceties got in the way.

Just food for thought...