Depressing Music
Some of you may know this. Some of you may not. There are times that I really like to listen to depressing music. It's usually the poignant times in my life that just make me want to halt life to a standstill...perhaps just still enough to make some sense out of the juncture I'm in. There are even times where I just like to immerse myself in depressing music, like some of those of Sarah McLachlan. Though I'm not too sure why, I think part of me actually can get used to it quickly...like I find it comfortable in some way.

Outcast by Designation
I'd say it's been like this since I started there. Every single time, I feel like a foreigner. Maybe even an outcast. I can only imagine what it might be. Maybe it's the age difference. Maybe it's the difference in life's experience. Quite possibly, it may even have to do with the school I go to and its implied gentry (or lack thereof). While it could also be that I'm a natural wallflower at times, I'm convinced at this point that it's well beyond this.

I'm not looking to have friends here. I've got plenty of friends. But it's the notion that I'll be serving the flag with some of them someday and I feel like I'm not one of them. I'm not looking to be buddies here. I just want to have at least some measure of recognition as a comrade, not an outsider.

I'll be very happy come May. I'm sick of this.

Gravity
Had a meaningful conversation with someone yesterday. It made me think a bit. For one, it made me think a bit about the Lord's timing. For another, it made me think a bit about what I'm really looking for in a meaningful relationship. I suppose in some way, it's a question of patience. In another, it's a question of being at peace. I think the conversation was dignified and civil. As for myself, I'm not sure if I've arrived at an epiphany or if I feel hollow. Maybe both.

Too much on the Plate
My life right now is a smorgasbord of many things. Time is divided between school, being a press guy for ROTC, my reserve unit, the freelance webmaster thing, and fellowship. I do feel scatterbrained for the very most part.

With these multiple hats is multiple equipment. At any one time, I'm carrying my backpack and books, my laptop, my camera, a tape recorder, a change of uniform, among many other things. I know it's good to be well-rounded and all, but I know something in this mix suffers when I focus too much of my time in one area.

Argh. I also want a life.

Reflection
Yes, I still think about her from time to time, although not too terribly often. There were certain things that I liked and certain things that were very peculiar. It's ok because I know that not everything is meant to be perfect. Distance was a little difficult but it wasn't like I didn't see it coming. Anyhow, I sometimes think about it because I feel like there are lessons to be learned from it. Sometimes I even wonder if it may ever happen again or if it will work. I don't know.