Vote of No Self-Confidence
This is my confession. Although many would tend to disagree with this, I'm beginning to think this is true. That or I'm really losing my mind. I think I'm losing confidence in my ability to do...well...ANYTHING.
With this recent lay-off, I think I've been doubting some of my self-worth as far as being able to be gainfully employed. Some have said that I really shouldn't be feeling like this. I haven't been laid-off for all that long and that I've been getting a steady stream of interviews. However, there's more to this than what you see on the surface. I find that when I'm not working, I'm gonna eventually lose my marbles.
When it comes to the nitty-gritty technical things, I notice that at times, I clam up for fear of looking like I don't know what I'm doing. It's true. It's been a trend, lately.
I think it comes from the fact that since I'm rather designer-centric, people have been nit-picking my technical abilities. I'm beginning to believe that this is barring me from some positions that I've interviewed for. All these things such as .NET architecture, C#, and Perl, are things that I've never even needed to fiddle with. To tell you the truth, it actually frightens me to try and learn this stuff when in just a few years, it becomes almost irrelevant.
So why not just go try and learn this stuff on my own, you ask? I want to. However, even the thought of learning this stuff scares me. Let me give you some perspective. With the wedding web site, I got plenty of help from Mike with the PHP code. It seems fairly straight-forward as I have a huge PHP reference book from years back. It seems like it would be easy to pick up since I used to mess with ASP when I was with a company that I worked with. It's like I'm all of a sudden deathly afraid of learning new technology now. It's like I'm afraid of failing.
Also, I have come to the realization that I have some opportunities to do some work on the side. I'm also coming to the realization that I may be lacking some confidence in running a side business. Like I'm worried that I would fail and that I'd be stuck without having an income.
I think I've changed quite a bit these years. It seems like I'm becoming a lot more timid. Anybody have any idea what the hell is wrong with me?
This is my confession. Although many would tend to disagree with this, I'm beginning to think this is true. That or I'm really losing my mind. I think I'm losing confidence in my ability to do...well...ANYTHING.
With this recent lay-off, I think I've been doubting some of my self-worth as far as being able to be gainfully employed. Some have said that I really shouldn't be feeling like this. I haven't been laid-off for all that long and that I've been getting a steady stream of interviews. However, there's more to this than what you see on the surface. I find that when I'm not working, I'm gonna eventually lose my marbles.
When it comes to the nitty-gritty technical things, I notice that at times, I clam up for fear of looking like I don't know what I'm doing. It's true. It's been a trend, lately.
I think it comes from the fact that since I'm rather designer-centric, people have been nit-picking my technical abilities. I'm beginning to believe that this is barring me from some positions that I've interviewed for. All these things such as .NET architecture, C#, and Perl, are things that I've never even needed to fiddle with. To tell you the truth, it actually frightens me to try and learn this stuff when in just a few years, it becomes almost irrelevant.
So why not just go try and learn this stuff on my own, you ask? I want to. However, even the thought of learning this stuff scares me. Let me give you some perspective. With the wedding web site, I got plenty of help from Mike with the PHP code. It seems fairly straight-forward as I have a huge PHP reference book from years back. It seems like it would be easy to pick up since I used to mess with ASP when I was with a company that I worked with. It's like I'm all of a sudden deathly afraid of learning new technology now. It's like I'm afraid of failing.
Also, I have come to the realization that I have some opportunities to do some work on the side. I'm also coming to the realization that I may be lacking some confidence in running a side business. Like I'm worried that I would fail and that I'd be stuck without having an income.
I think I've changed quite a bit these years. It seems like I'm becoming a lot more timid. Anybody have any idea what the hell is wrong with me?
posted by G at 23:59
3 Comments:
whoa you have comments. via blogger. very cool. =)
didn't know you were laid off. sorry to hear about that. but i do relate to you about the timidity thing as i grow older. not sure if its the same thing, but i chalk it up to not being young and as idealistic and reckless and black and white anymore. life just seems more complicated now, and with the knowledge of its risks, i'm less willing to jump all in without some heavy thought. but that's me.
*hugs*
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