Christmas Shouldn't End

I don't feel like Christmas should end quite so soon. I'll be somewhere else the next time. Phooey.

Places I'd like to Visit

not particularly in any order:
- Washington DC
- Florida
- Texas
- Hong Kong
- Tokyo, Japan
- New York City
- Alaska
- Australia
- Europe
- Prince Edward Island, Canada
- Beijing, China

My Army Reserve Experience

Some of you wonder what it is that I do one weekend a month and a few weeks out of the year. Some of you wonder why there are times when I complain about it. Some of you wonder why I even went into it in the first place. I'm not sure about how I can completely touch upon each question so I'll give you my unadulterated views as I see it. The only encouragement I can give you is that you take what I have to say with a grain of salt. Here goes...

My experience in the Army Reserve has been both good and bad. I first enlisted in a very high demand MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) requiring a rather high ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) and GT (General Technical) score. Coming from being a civilian, IET (Initial Entry Training) was hard but I went through it just fine (Ft. Benning was a trip). If anything, I felt a higher appreciation for the simpler things in life like freedom.

I had opportunities down the line to pursue an officer's commission and I did. I also switched to a new Reserve unit. After that, I did my basic course and came back to that unit. I've been a staff officer in the battalion for most of the time since then and continue to do that.

With everything that I've done with the Reserves, I've travelled to different places around the country (and the world) and met a lot of cool and interesting people. Sure, you also remember some of the "blue falcons" too. I suppose every segment of society has the bad guys who seem to exist to be selfish backstabbers and punks. I've got to experience some of the traditions of the Army. Some of which I will like and will always like. Some of the others, I will hate and will always hate. Good with the bad, I guess.

These days, I sometimes feel like I'm tired of it all. I'm not entirely sure why. I suppose I could try to explore why it is I feel this way:

With one weekend a month and two weeks out of the year, you would think that this is not a hefty requirement on a person. If that was really all that was involved it's actually quite easy. But this is not the case if you hold a leadership position. In such positions, some of the things you're working on hangs over you rather often. Most of what I do for the battalion is done at home. Whether it’s a spreadsheet or some other assessment, I do this at my home computer. Once in a while, I'm called in to the battalion for inspections and other matters during regular business hours. I guess that's not a problem if I had a lot of free time. The only problem is that I DON'T have that kind of time! They don't have that kind of understanding. The system is not set up for them to understand to begin with.

In the past, I was so frustrated that I got into a habit of not checking my AKO email account for a long time and ultimately screening some of my phone calls. Think of it as my effort of "pushing back". Of course, they always sting you back in the end.

In any Reserve unit, there’s the handful of full-timers who work in the unit to handle everyday administrative matters. These Soldiers are AGRs (Active Guard or Reserve). However, the majority of the Soldiers in a Reserve unit are your average part-timers or TPU Soldiers (Troop Program Unit). I need to point out this distinction for a reason. I'm not sure why, but I sometimes feel like there's an "us vs. them" mentality when it comes to dealing with them. No, not all of them are like that. Most are cool. But for the few of the ones that I've had to deal with, it certainly feels that way. At the heart of the matter, there seems to be an inherent lack of understanding for the other.

Some of the AGRs are bound to get miffed at you for not being 100% responsive. I've experienced this quite a bit. They also don't seem to have an understanding that you have a career much less a life outside of the Army Reserves. As you can imagine, if you work a professional project-oriented job, you can run into a lot of conflicts. After all, your civilian job is not the place that you should be doing Army stuff at length unless you really want to get counseled for it.

Yes, conflicts do indeed arise from your civilian job. With a lot of the companies that I've worked for, I can tell that they felt reticent for me to miss certain Fridays for long weekend drills or for my Annual Training. I know that by law, there's nothing that they can do about that. I know that if they ever did anything (such as any actions to try to get rid of me), all I would have to do is call the ESGR (Employer Support of the Guard and Reserve) and they'll put an attorney on this case. While it might sound simple, the reality is that there's very little that they can do. The truth is that it's very hard to prove that what your employer does to you is correlated to your affiliation with the Reserves. They could probably think of ANY kind of reason that suits their fancy like you being 5 minutes late to work or that you don't perform to their "expectations". I know this because I've dealt with a hostile work environment after coming back from training or being unexpectedly laid-off after announcing my leave for Annual Training. It frustrates me to no end. I hate living in fear of these matters.

To take the civilian career thing even further, it tends to hurt other job prospects when you have it mentioned on your resume that you're an actively-drilling member of the US Army Reserves. Seriously, if you were an employer, who would you hire? This guy who's well versed in all kinds of skills and experience who's also in the Army Reserves or a similarly qualified person who do not have the risk of being called up! I'd think that's a no-brainer. According to an ESGR rep, I'm not required to put this tidbit on the resume. Sounds great but now there's an ethical dilemma. When it comes time for you to have extended weekend assemblies, Annual Training, or even being mobilized, is that the time you mention that you're in the Reserves?? Heck, if I was an employer, I'd be angry too.

In short, it seems to me that there's a lot of lack of understanding between all parties: The civilian job and the Army Reserves. What hurts is me getting caught in the middle of it. It seems like there no one thing that you can really blame for this predicament. I really don't know what the solution here is. If I could figure it out, then I'm sure that I wouldn't really feel the need to voice my frustration.

Naturally, after reading all of this, you might wonder why I joined in the first place. Well, I originally went into the Reserves with great intentions and lofty goals. I had been hoping to do some really "high-speed" stuff and make a difference. In fact, I had been hoping that it would be easy for me to springboard into a Potomac-type alphabet soup agency (FBI, ICE, US Treasury, etc.). However, I these days, I feel like it's just a pipe dream. I find that my involvement can be rather unfulfilling. Some of my drills felt like a waste of time. In short, I don't really feel like I'm going as far as I had hoped. I also don't feel like I'm making as much of a difference as I had been looking for.

Would I have liked Active Duty instead? Probably. Would it be any better? Probably yes, with regard to job conflicts since the Army IS your full-time job. However, I had other aspirations that I felt I needed to pursue hence, I went the Reserve route. With that in mind, I won’t really know for sure.

Do I regret going into the Army Reserves? I'm really not sure how to answer that. There have been times out of anger where I've actually complained and used the word "regret". However, when I sit down and really think about it, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Like I said, I did meet a lot of interesting, if not inspiring, people along the way. I've got to thrive in challenging circumstances and still come out on top. More than likely, it has made me a better person for it. I can say without doubt that I do have some rather unique experiences and travels that others do not.

I grew up in a town that respected people in uniform. Be they the military, police officers, or firemen, its not a stretch at all that I would want to adopt those values and don the uniform. I firmly believe in service...service to things much larger than one's self. For myself, I really do care about the well-being of people around me. I guess that's probably why I feel inclined to check in with others to see how their lives are going without hesitation. It's a part of MY core values. If for that reason alone, I suppose things have been good. I guess in the end, I don't have much regret.

Maybe this is just a bout of angst that I needed to vent. Maybe this is not that big of a deal in the end. However, given my experiences above, perhaps this is a sign that my time in the Army Reserves need to come to a close…

Dream Job?

It's funny how we sometimes get into the mindset that there's a dream job out there. We dream of a job where it doesn't even feel like work because we love it so much. That, or it has great ideals or perks like a chance to make a difference or simply to make a lot of money, upward mobility, etc.

Lately, I've come to the realization that such a job really exists. I realize that every job has its ups and downs. Every job has its triumphs and frustrations. For some reason, it seems like we always focus on the bad because it seems to be that one obstacle that blocks us from having it "just perfect".

I guess I'm making it a point to be thankful for what I have. Work, is simply a means to survive.

Air Force? Hmmmmm.....

Should I have joined the Air Force instead? Looking back, I had my chance and came close to signing my autograph on that dotted line. However, I didn't and decided to go somewhere else. These days, I look back, wondering if I should have worn blue instead. Oh well...

Music and Mood

It's no secret that music effects mood.

I'll listen to happy giddy music, and I feel like going about the day happy and carefree. In fact, I feel like talking a walk in the park in a sunny day.

If I listen to really aggressive music, I feel like room-clearing a house with a .45 in my hand. It tends to give me an intense focus -- tunnel-vision, if you will.

Lately, my music that I listen to has been Japanese pop music. Yes, J-pop tends to put me in a good mood and makes me rather productive. There's some really good stuff out there, like Bonnie Pink and the Indigo. What really helps is that I don't understand a lick of what they are singing about. To me, its like instrumental soundtrack music. If this stuff were sung in english, I'd probably feel inclined to try to follow the words and the next thing you know, I'm distracted from what I need to do.

On that same token it's also why I may listen to movie soundtrack music too. If your life was a movie, then surely there's a soundtrack to it. =)

Reflections on Growing (and blogging)

After a long hiatus of not blogging, naturally, I would have a lot of thoughts cooped up in my head just waiting to come out. Now, often times, I need a little goading for me to actually get the ball rolling (thanks, Dardy et al). I've decided to first talk about blogging itself and how I've changed over the years.

Ever since, college I had the perception that I have not changed since then. Not much, anyway. However, I've identified what had marked time with my change, and it's been writing on my web log.

Thinking back to my really old site where I would just FTP an HTML page, it dawned on me one day: OMG!!! DID I REALLY THINK LIKE THAT?? Yeah, now that I think about it, some of the stuff I wrote on there was rather naive. Some of this stuff, I think was rather embarrassing. Whatever the case, I have indeed changed a lot in the last 9 years. Time to blog on...

Effort (and nothing but)

I remember it well and yet I'd forgotten...

I'd wake up to the sound of my alarm clock radio at about 6am. I'd get up and go downstairs to lace up my running shoes and go for a run. Nothing too far, just anywhere from 1-2 miles. Then, I'd go home to shower and eat a breakfast.

I'd get to school before the first bell. After 6 periods, with a break and a lunch worked in there, I'd hit the courts around 3pm with the team. Donning tennis shoes and wielding strung graphite, we would work on anything from drills, serves, and anything else that came up. Once practice was over, I'd go home to to lift weights or skip rope.

Once dinner came around, I'd eat like a vacuum cleaner. I'd even go for a second bowl of rice to chase it all down. Then its off to homework until about 11pm. Then, I'd do plyometrics or some abs. Then I'd go downstairs to to eat my 4th meal of the day: a toasted bagel with cream cheese followed by a glass of milk. Then I'd go to sleep to start this process all over again.

One of my life's lessons was learned here in high school. Effort can whatever shortcoming you might have had in the beginning. You may have "natural talent" or you may not. Whatever the case, its really the work you put into it that helps you surpass obstacles.

Somehow, I lost some of this ethic in college and in the working world. How this came to pass, I'm not even sure. Its funny how times like these can really make you you think about it.

I need to get back there somehow.